{"id":46872,"date":"2022-03-29T18:05:20","date_gmt":"2022-03-29T18:05:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/adv\/alumni-news-media\/?p=46872"},"modified":"2022-05-04T20:26:37","modified_gmt":"2022-05-04T20:26:37","slug":"talking-to-strangers-in-stressful-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/adv\/alumni-news-media\/2022\/03\/29\/talking-to-strangers-in-stressful-times\/","title":{"rendered":"Talking to Strangers in Stressful Times"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Talking to Strangers in Stressful Times<\/h1>\n

[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][vc_empty_space height=”150px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” text_align=”left” background_color=”#7eb1dc” css_animation=”” box_shadow_on_row=”no”][vc_column][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n

Miguel Fittoria \u201912, \u201915W (MS), whose job is to facilitate hard conversations, addresses a burning question: Why are so many of us losing our cool?<\/h3>\n

[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” text_align=”left” css_animation=”” box_shadow_on_row=”no”][vc_column][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n

\"Miguel

(Illustration: David Cowles for Rochester Review)<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n

Editor\u2019s note: The New Horizons program for adult musicians celebrated its 30th birthday in 2021. Founded at the Eastman School of Music, it has grown to nearly 200 chapters around North America and Australia.<\/p>\n

I work in the Palo Alto Unified School District as part of a 10-person team of student and family engagement, or \u201cSaFE,\u201d specialists. This year I\u2019m also overseeing our virtual independent program, which is an at-home option created in response to COVID. In both roles, I act as a liaison between families and the school.<\/strong> The SaFE program was set up to offer a guiding hand to parents who are low-income, or don\u2019t have a lot of formal education, or don\u2019t speak English\u2014and who need help navigating the school system. On the other hand, the virtual independent program draws heavily from well-educated and affluent families who make up most of the district.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re seeing conversations devolve into arguments much more, and more quickly, than we\u2019ve ever seen.<\/strong> Like many of the examples we hear about in the news, or watch on social media, we\u2019re seeing this happen between people who have a relationship that\u2019s at least in part transactional. Not between close colleagues, or family members, or friends, but between people at the school or school district, and people in the community. Individuals are responding to each other quickly, in a kind of fight-or-flight moment.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a lot of frustration stemming from the novelty of COVID, and all the changes and uncertainty around protocols. It\u2019s caused a lot of things to go wrong, both in our own organizations or ones we interact with.<\/strong> In our case, a lot of families have been confused about COVID protocols. Our district accounts for so many different scenarios. And the first day after winter break, we had a bunch of middle and high schoolers in our new online independent program not able to get into their classes. Their schedules weren\u2019t appearing. It was a mess. We got emails and calls from people saying, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d and \u201cWhy is this happening?\u201d<\/p>\n

When something goes wrong, it\u2019s stressful on both sides. I\u2019m usually on the \u201ccustomer\u201d-facing side. People want information and they want it now.<\/strong>[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”]

<\/i><\/span>
The most detrimental thing you can do is fumble around for an answer that you think is right.<\/span><\/h6><\/blockquote>[vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][vc_column_text]But don\u2019t just say, \u201cI\u2019ll call you or I\u2019ll email you back\u201d either. Or forward the message to someone else, or even worse, say \u201cI\u2019ll transfer you.\u201d We all know those stories!<\/strong> Tell the person who you\u2019re going to talk to; for example, \u201cI am going to go talk to the health coordinator;\u201d and then, \u201cI will get back to you as soon as I have the information.\u201d Now the person is informed, and they have a timeline. And they have someone they know, that they\u2019re now in contact with. When we do things that way, people are usually appreciative.<\/p>\n

My team and I are always talking about the idea of spillover.<\/strong> We\u2019re already using so much of our mental and emotional energy to hold the stress back, that any statement or comment can lead us to the worst conclusions, to that fight-or-flight reaction. The spillover can be so hard to contain in that moment. But in all our interactions, it\u2019s important to be aware of the spillover effect on ourselves and to realize the strangers we encounter are probably experiencing it in their own lives, too.
\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” text_align=”left” css_animation=”” box_shadow_on_row=”no”][vc_column][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” use_row_as_full_screen_section_slide=”no” text_align=”left” background_color=”#e9e5d7″ css_animation=”” box_shadow_on_row=”no”][vc_column_inner][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n

Miguel Fittoria \u201912, \u201915W (MS)<\/h3>\n

Home:<\/strong> Palo Alto, California<\/p>\n

Coordinator for Student and Family Engagement, Palo Alto Unified School District (pausd.org\/student-supports\/safe<\/a>)<\/em><\/p>\n

Favorite ways to unwind:<\/strong> \u201cMy biggest one is spending time in nature. But I\u2019m also a mechanic by hobby. I love it because there\u2019s a solution to every problem. There aren\u2019t always clear solutions in my job. But with a car, if something breaks, you can fix that thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Most Valuable Mentor:<\/strong> \u201cIf there\u2019s one person who has influenced my life more than anybody else, it\u2019s Melissa Sturge-Apple [now dean of graduate education and postdoctoral affairs]. I worked in her developmental psychology lab my sophomore year. I was just a little coder. I stuck with it and eventually she had me working on the experiments. My senior year we submitted a paper for publication. And then she offered me a job as research technician at the Mount Hope Family Center. Everything I know about organization and follow through has come from my experience in her labs and the things that she expected of her staff.\u201d[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” text_align=”left” css_animation=”” box_shadow_on_row=”no”][vc_column][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1648586416998{border-top-width: 1px !important;padding-top: 10px !important;border-top-color: #999999 !important;border-top-style: solid !important;}”]<\/p>\n

\u2014 Interview by Karen McCally \u201902 (PhD)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]This article originally appeared in the winter 2022 issue of Rochester Review<\/em><\/a> magazine.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The SaFE program was set up to offer a guiding hand to parents who are low-income, or don\u2019t have a lot of formal education, or don\u2019t speak English\u2014and who need help navigating the school system. On the other hand, the virtual independent program draws heavily from well-educated and affluent families who make up most of the district. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":52,"featured_media":47322,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[762,352,132],"class_list":["post-46872","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-profiles","tag-bay-area-san-francisco","tag-master-class","tag-rochester-review"],"yoast_head":"\nTalking to Strangers in Stressful Times - Alumni News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/adv\/alumni-news-media\/2022\/03\/29\/talking-to-strangers-in-stressful-times\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Talking to Strangers in Stressful Times - Alumni News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The SaFE program was set up to offer a guiding hand to parents who are low-income, or don\u2019t have a lot of formal education, or don\u2019t speak English\u2014and who need help navigating the school system. 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